It's so hot in Phoenix that...
Posted: Sat Jul 11, 2009 2:12 pm
- the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
- the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
- farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
- the cows are giving evaporated milk.
- the trees are whistling for the dogs.
- you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
- you can say "113 degrees" without fainting.
- you eat hot chilies to COOL your mouth off.
- you can make instant sun tea.
- you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
- the temperature drops below 85, you feel a bit chilly.
- you've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
- you would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
- you can attend any function wearing shorts, flipflops, and a Hawaiian shirt.
- The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
- you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
- you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
- you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
- hot water now comes out of BOTH taps.
- it's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
- you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
- you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
- no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
- your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
- you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
- a sad Arizonan once prayed, "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I've seen it -- but for my 7-year-old."
The sad thing is that these are only very slight exaggerations.